Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
