I wanna bring you to show and tell
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
