im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
