I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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