You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
