ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
