Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
