were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
