do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
