didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
