You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
