I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
