even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i dont even know how to be here
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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