Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize