omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
