i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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