Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
