ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
