She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
