i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
