You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
