so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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