I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
