you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
