she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
