The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
