OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
