All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
