I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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