So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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