I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I touched a dick in church today
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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