WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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