i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
