last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize