He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
