Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
