i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
