Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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