Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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