just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
