Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
