The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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