I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
