saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i already hear my dad disowning me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize