I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Even my vagina gasped.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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