You can't special order awesome
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
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