You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
