oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
