if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
