I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
