You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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