I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
