Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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