How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize