I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
