i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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