You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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