She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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