She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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