11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
