And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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