im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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