I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
