im six kinds of drunk right now
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
