Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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