so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
