Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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